I have started, deleted and re-written a version of this post no less than a dozen times over the last month. I still feel somewhat weird about even sharing this one, but I’m doing it anyway, so please be kind with your comments (even those I’ll never hear) 😉
So let me fill you in on what’s been going on and why I’ve been so absent in this space. Last Spring, after the hardest (almost) two years of my life, my marriage ended. Without going into all of the details, since only part of it is my story to tell, it wasn’t an easy or kind decision to make.
In many ways, I had no say in the choice, and in other ways, I was the only one thinking clearly. And this is what I want to talk about since I think other people can relate and I’ve been getting a lot of questions over the last few months. Divorce is an ugly, loaded word. Yes, I’m now divorced, a position I never, ever thought I would be in. But, I am not “damaged goods” as a now ex-friend said to me, nor am I “impossible to please,” “too hard to love,” or “irresponsible” for “letting my marriage fail.” I mean – can you even believe those comments?! Me either.
So let’s get something straight – You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm. This is the situation that I was in. For me to have stayed married, it would have required me to literally light up my life and make some potentially unhealthy choices for myself. I am not “selfish” for my part in ending the relationship – I am smart. Staying would have led to a lifetime of heartache and no one, including my former husband, should live that way.
This has been a life-changing experience. In addition to some of the harsh words shared above, I have been showered with kindness from actual strangers and mere acquaintances, which strangely restored my faith in people (and God) during such a dark time. Every single one of my relationships changed. Every. Single. One. Many were deepened with both family and friends, but many were ended. I have been “ghosted” by people who I thought were my friends, I have had family members gossip about my life, and I have been betrayed by people who promised to support me and my marriage.
Although these things have hurt, I now have clarity, energy, and calmness that I do not think I have ever felt before. I have also realized that other people have a much bigger issue with the fact that I’m divorced than I do! I’m not grateful for the experience, haha, let’s not get crazy. But I am on the other side of it now, and life is unlocking before my eyes, proving that I am in the right season of life.
So, since I’ve spent the better part of the last year adjusting to a new normal, getting to know myself again, and re-engaging with life, I have a lot to share with you! Things like my experience with Botox, my new morning routine, ways to show support to friends, and a million other ideas. I promise I will get back to a blogging routine because the amount of time I spend thinking about this blog is unreasonable given that nothing has been posted in months! Got something you want to see? Let me know.
And, I’d be foolish not to mention that without therapy, I probably would be lying in my bed ignoring life, bingeing Netflix, and living on wine. So, if you’re going through a hard time, reach out. There are so many amazing online resources that you can take advantage of at home, regardless of insurance, like TalkSpace, where you can get $100 off of your first month with the code: myparachute
Have a great weekend and thank you for your continued support – so happy to be back here chatting with you!